Funny Graduation Quotes

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.- Mark Twain

If you can imagine it, you can achieve it;
If you can dream it, you can become it.
- William Arthur Ward

A professor is someone who talks in someone else's sleep.
- W.H. Auden

A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car.
But if he has a university education, he may steal the whole railroad.
- Theodore Roosevelt


If you feel that you have both feet planted on level ground, then the university has failed you.
- Robert Goheen


Graduation day is tough for adults.
They go to the ceremony as parents.
They come home as contemporaries.
After twenty-two years of child-raising,
they are unemployed.
- Erma Bombeck

Commencement speeches were invented largely in the belief that outgoing college students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.
- Garry Trudeau

A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success.
- Robert Orben

If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn't lead anywhere.
- Frank A. Clark

Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
- B.F. Skinner

It is indeed ironic that we spend our school days yearning to graduate and our remaining days waxing nostalgic about our school days.
- Isabel Waxman

...Yes, the lectures are optional. Graduation is also optional.
- Bob Bickford

Your families are extremely proud of you. You can't imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money.
- Gary Bolding

I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
- Jeff Foxworthy

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing worth knowing can be taught.
- Oscar Wilde

Education is a progressive discovery of your own ignorance.
- Will Durant

Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds that you plant.
- Robert Louis Stevenson

The trouble with learning from experience is that you never graduate.
- Doug Larson

If opportunity doesn't knock, build a door.
- Milton Berle

Success is the ability to go from one failure to another, with no loss of enthusiasm.
- Sir Winston Churchill

At commencement you wear your square-shaped mortarboards. My hope is that from time to time you will let your minds be bold, and wear sombreros.
- Paul Freund

To those of you who received honors, awards and distinctions, I say well done. And to the 'C' students, I say you too may one day be President of the United States.
- George W. Bush